Confessions and Penance
by madamkitkat
Summary: Killian's thoughts after his confession. The group deals with the aftermath of the revelations.
1. Pirate

Killian treaded through the Neverland thicket at a brisk pace, cutting the overgrowth and dream shade out of the groups way. He had had lost sight of the others behind him some time ago, but was glad for the distance.

Deciding it best to let them catch up, he rested against a boulder. He was ready for a drink. Something to help him dull the ache in chest. Cora and the crocodile themselves had not even inflicted this much pain when they both laid their hands on his heart, he mused. He allowed himself a chuckle when he considering the absurdity of it all. He was evil personified and yet he was in love with the product of True Love. He was beneath her. He was a pirate. But yet he had given him hope to be more. She made him feel like he was an honorable man again. She made him feel like Killian and not the self-loathing Captain Hook.

True Love. There was something he had never know anything about. Had he truly loved Milah? If so, why had he felt such an instant pull to Emma when he met her in the Enchanted Forest? And why was he so eager to have helped her in the first place and lose sight of his quest ? Didn't he owe it to Milah's memory to avenge her ? Not to be out traipsing about trying to be a hero to a woman who had her own happy ending walking through the Neverland jungle with them. Worse yet, her own happy ending was Baelfire, Milah's son. Bloody Hell!

He raised the flask to his lips, and closed his eyes. The rum was now bitter and awful. All that he could think about was the taste of Emma's lips on his and how she would never choose him. He tossed the flask over his shoulder, disgusted at himself for ever thinking he could be more a villain.

Killian gazed back down the path he, looking for the rest of the group. He began to worry that he had let them get lost in his haste, but remembered that Baelfire knew the island just as well as he did. Baelfire or Emma's Neal. Whatever he went by these days would be able to lead them the rest of the way.

The sound of a footfalls crunching of leaves, broke Killian from his thoughts. The Prince emerged from the brush, looking angry, eyes trained on him. Killian braced himself for what was sure to a right hook and a stay away from my daughter speech, which at this point would just be a waste of breath. He was not sure if he could stay away from her despite everything that had just happened.

"I am only going to say this once, began Charming, "If you truly love Emma, you will fight for her. The past does not matter. Only what you do now. True Love isn't easy, but it must be fought for because once you find it, it can never be replaced. What you did today for Emma, you put her happiness and feelings above your own. That you would do anything and everything for her, I gather. But you need to let her know that as much as you can, because Emma has never really know what it was like to be put first and just loved for being Emma. "

Killian sat in stunned silence, as the prince, continued "There is always hope, Captain". Charming tilted his head in a nod and reached down for the flask laying at their feet. "I need a drink. Before Killian had a chance to respond, the rest of the group came through the clearing. Emma leading the way, followed by Snow and Neal having an animated discussion. Emma's eyes briefly drifted to Killian's and for a brief moment a small smile played at her lips as she gazed at him.

The ache was back.


	2. Shepard

He tried to reason with her and explain why he thought it best at the time to hide his death sentence, but the further he tried to explain that it why it was better he be stuck on this island than dead, the further away Snow drifted from him. His motives had been honorable. He would do whatever it took to reunite his family.

By the time Emma and Neal had caught up with them, Snow opening welcomed the opportunity to start a conversation with anyone but him.

"Neal, how exactly did you survive the trip through the portal and how did you get here? ", Snow inquired. As he began to relay his journey, Snow slowed down and gave him her undivided attention. Charming noticed that the more engrossed Snow got in to Neal's tale, Emma increased her stride and was now setting a bristling pace.

Charming stepped in to sync with his daughter and they walked in a comfortable silence. Giving her a side-glance, he saw the storm raging behind her eyes. He was sadden by what he saw there. She really was a lost girl. Given up at birth because of the curse, abandoned and alone. All the while left feeling unwanted and unloved. And Henry. She had to give him up. Suddenly Charming realized that he knew very little about all that Emma had been though in her 28 years in the world.

"Emma, we wanted to give you everything. I am sorry that we never got that chance. Curse or no curse, I have not been the best father to you. I feel like we have never really gotten the chance to know one another and I want that. You and I may be the same age, but I am still your father. If something is hurting you, I want to ease your pain. "

"Why did you lie, to Mary Margret and to me about the dream shade? And how did Hook know about a cure? "

Emma's eyes were so intently focused on him and Charming found himself stumbling over his words at first, "I…Um….Hook lost his brother to dream shade. He briefly told me about his brother who was a Captain for the Royal Navy and about being charged with retrieving a healing plant for their king. However, Pan warned them about what it really was and his brother doubted his warning. There is a spring with healing properties that cured the poison, but once they left the island his brother died instantly upon leaving this realm."

Charming continued, "I …..I didn't want to be a burden to you all and take the focus away from saving Henry. And I did not want to admit that the truth to myself. Your mother and I have survived so much, that this was not how I pictured our story ending. It broke my heart to think about leaving her and the pain that it would cause her. "

To his surprise, Emma replied. "You have survived worse. Arranged marriages, dragons, sleeping curses, the Evil Queen. Are you forgetting who you are? At the end of the day, you are still Prince Charming and Snow White, the eternal optimists. You are True Love. "

Spurred by Emma's encouraging words, Charming suddenly had an epiphany. Emma was right. They were going to save Henry and all get of this island alive. Good always defeated evil. They were going to win this

Feeling lighter and in a mocking manner Charming replied, "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while. "

Emma paused briefly, "Did you just quote The Princess Bride? "She asked with a small smile. Charming nodded and noticed a small blush creep to her face.

He had seen his daughter with Hook and with Neal. And he knew enough that Emma felt broken around Neal. That much was evident after the journey in to Echo Cave. As Charming thought about the cave of secrets, his thoughts trailed to Hook. He genuinely cared for his daughter. After all, Charming was no fool and saw the way Hook had been looking at Emma. At first he thought it was just more of a pirate conquest thing. But between saving his life and how he exposed himself in Echo Cave, he now knew he could not have been more wrong. Hook was in love with her and would sacrifice his life for her if it meant she would be safe and happy.

"Great book and movie. Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Poison. True love. Hate. Revenge. Giants. Chases. Escapes. Lies. Truths. Passion. Miracles." Charming replied. Emma nodded in agreement, "It was my favorite growing up. I always imagined that I was Buttercup. "

Charming smiled at her and they continued down the path, "And Westley? "He asked as they continued down the path, he saw Hook leaning against a boulder. Emma side-stepped his question and declared that she had needed to stop and get some water and that he should continue without her.

Watching his daughter steal a glance at the man leaning against the boulder, he could not help but feel a mix of anger and happiness. It was time to have a chat with the lovelorn, sad sailor. And he needed a drink, because he was pretty sure that his daughter was falling for Captain Hook


	3. Lost Boy

As Neal recounted his travels from The Enchanted Forrest to Neverland, he could not help but feel that despite her inquiry about the journey, Snow White was only making polite conversation, as she looked to be a thousand miles away in thought. Not that he minded the idle chit chat, as it helped to deflate the awkwardness that hung in the air. Emma had stalked off some time ago with Charming fast on her heels. He knew why Emma was avoiding him, and could take a pretty big leap of faith by assuming Charming was giving Snow space to process what had happened.

Neal himself was still reeling from all that he had witnessed in Echo Cave and Emma's confession to him. Did he even deserve a second chance with her after all the pain he caused, he wondered. Would she let him in? Did he have the right to expect her to? He saw the look of confusion on her face when he said he would never stop fighting for her. But isn't that what he had done 11 years ago? It seemed easier to hide from the truth of what he did by believing his lie. He told himself that it was so she could fulfill her destiny. But he had abandoned her. His reasons seemed logical to him at the time. A big one being that he never wanted to face his father again. But mainly he never thought he was good enough for her. Even after receiving the postcard that he waited for a lifetime to come, he could not dispel the thought that she deserved more than what he had to offer and always would. Maybe his darkest secret was that he was a coward just like his father. Doomed to being afraid to try because he might fail at being what Emma wanted and needed.

But Henry had changed everything. The moment he laid eyes on him, he knew. And the fact that Emma had tried to deny it stung. He had a son. A son whose life he had not gotten to be a part of for many years. Did he have a right to be angry with Emma for trying to hide it? Wasn't it his fault for the decision he made 11 years ago? He wanted to fix the fractures he had caused, but he was terrified that Emma was never going to give the chance.

"You said that Mulan, Aurora, and Phillip rescued you. But how exactly did they restore Phillip's soul? ", Snow asked. Neal glanced at her and for the first time since the cave saw something more than defeat in her eyes. "How?" she asked again.

"I am not sure. All I know is that I owe them all a debt for helping me get here to Neverland. Aurora even tried to contact you in a dream state. " Snow gazed at him briefly and lit up with a hundred watt smile. A smile that gave him pause. Emma. She favored her mother in subtle ways. It had been so long since he had seen Emma smile, that he forgot what it looked like.

"What are you thinking?" he inquired after Snow as they made their way to the clearing where the rest of the search party were resting. "I was thinking that now would be the perfect time to find Regina and your father. I need to contact Aurora. I think we might have a way to save Henry and get us all off this island alive. "

As they stumbled in to the clearing, he noticed Charming and Hook were engaged in a quiet conversation and sharing a drink. Emma was a few feet away next to a stream gathering water. He saw her cast a side glance toward her father and Hook. She was not aware of his presence behind her and he was all too aware that a small smile that played on her lips, a smile he had not seen in years and it was not because of him. She was smiling because of Hook.


	4. The Fairest of them All

Their earlier disagreement about secrets and his reasoning had become clear to her as they exited Echo Cave. "And sometimes secrets protect the people we love. " She was furious with him for hiding the dreamshade poisoning. She could understand his motives, but he had played a dangerous game with his life by hiding the wound. Somehow Hook had figured it out and offered a solution. For that she was thankful, but she was not going to pretend to be okay with the fact that he was now cursed to stay in this land.

As she pondered over their fractured fairytale and all the messy details that helped shape the current state of it, she was overwhelmed by sadness. Maybe it was their fate to always be kept apart. Hadn't they spent more time separated than together? They had lost so much already. And Emma. Her beautiful broken lost girl. Her daughter that she had to give up had given up so much herself. It had cost her the same loss of parting with Henry when he was just a baby.

Snow's guilt about wanting another baby led to anger at herself for being so selfish. How could she be so blind to her daughter's fear and pain? Charming was so besot with his own guilt, that he assumed all of her anger was expressly for him. Needing time to process all that had happened, she did not stop him as he hurried to catch up to Emma.

So she found herself in conversation with Neal about his journey, his words barely really registering anything than a needed audible distraction. Neal had hung back from following Emma. Snow saw that he seemed visibly uncomfortable, and she wondered what Emma had said to him to free him.

There was a time when her cursed self would have been able to have conversation with Emma about what happened and it would not have been one-sided. But that was when she was Mary Margaret and not Snow White. Emma never opened up to Snow White. But on the way to rescue Neal she had confide to her "I kissed him. " She had immediately assumed that Emma was feeling guilty about what had occurred with Hook because of Neal. One of the rare times her daughter had shared something with her and she projected her own desires for Emma's happy ending because more than anything she wanted for them all to be a happy family.

Emma had looked anything but happy in Echo Cave upon seeing Neal. There was no easy magic to free him. No. They had to lay bare their souls. So when Hook's confession began about the kiss he shared with Emma, Snow did not really expect what all was to follow. "That is until I met you. " How had she missed it? He was in love with her daughter. She had wondered what his agenda was when he offered to take them to Neverland. From what she had come to know about Hook, was that he only seemed to be interested in self-preservation. So she was not sure of what to make about his willingness to be of assistance. Sure she noticed that his gaze lingered on Emma, and she just assumed that he wanted to make her a conquest. He was a pirate after all. But he had proven to be a man of honor in recent days as well and had stood beside them in their quest.

Snow had been in such a rush to tell her own secret that she hand not even considered Emma's reaction to Hook's words. In hindsight, the slightly puzzled look on Emma's face was telling. Snow had noticed how she had moved toward him after his admission. And when the bridge of truth had breached the distance to Neal, Emma had cast a glance back at him. She was staring at Hook. Not her or Charming.

There was no True Love's kiss reunion between Emma and Neal in the cave. The only real emotion that Snow could discern from looking at her daughter's face was pain. Her own wish for a second chance made her feel like a terrible mother. If anyone deserved a second chance at anything, it was Emma. And Snow realized that in that moment that perhaps Emma's second chance at a family did not have to be with Neal. That Henry's father was alive, she was grateful. But she did not want it to come at an expense to Emma's happiness.

Awash in her storm of emotions, she barely caught what he said "And Mulan, Aurora and Phillip saved my life and nursed me back to health." Snow was stunned. Phillip was dead. His soul had been consumed by a wraith.

"You said that Mulan, Aurora, and Phillip rescued you. But how exactly did they restore Phillip's soul? ", Snow asked. She had just assumed that Cora was trying to play Aurora when she told her there might be a way to save him.

"I am not sure. All I know is that I owe them all a debt for helping me get here to Neverland. Aurora even tried to contact you in a dream state." Neal replied.

True Love, Snow thought. Good always defeats evil. She suddenly had an idea about how to save Henry and manage to get Charming off this island alive. She needed to contact Aurora, but most importantly she needed to have a chat with Regina and Rumplestilkin. Her heart felt lighter as she realized that they could win this battle. As she and Neal finally caught up with the others, she was amused to see her husband engaged in what looked to be a friendly conversation with Hook. Emma was at the stream with her backed turned to them and for the first time in months, Snow saw her with her walls down. She had a small smile playing at her lips and her eyes were bright. And fixated on a pirate.


	5. Emma

They were staring at her. Snow and Neal. Her lungs were about to explode. She was suffocating under their expectations. She was seething with anger and drowning in heartache all at the same time. Pan was good. He had placed one obstacle after another in the path to Henry. All she wanted was to find her son. Find Henry and deal with the all the drama from Echo Cave later. It could wait. All of them could wait. Snow, David, Neal and Hook. So, she did what she always did best. She deflected, she evaded, and she built up her defenses. She stuffed her heart back down her chest and buried it deep.

Strolling out in to the light and glad to be out of the cave, she bristled as Neal spoke. I'll never stop fighting for you. " And she wanted to scream. Scream at how much she had hated him for so long. Sure she loved him, but she hated him. God did she hate him. She despised how weak he had made her feel and how much loving him had cost her. It would be easier if he had been dead, because she would not have to be reminded about how he had abandoned her. 11 years later he still never showed. And he knew where she was but still never came.

Apart from feeling alone and scared 11 years ago when he left, there was another emotion that she battled. More than anything she hated herself. She was weak. She could have been stronger for Henry 11 years ago. She could have tried. After all the times she had been left, she ended up leaving the one person in her entire life that had needed her. Didn't that act make her just as bad as Neal? After all she justified her reasons for giving Henry up, just as Neal justified his reasons for leaving. But when it came down to it, they both were cowards.

The last thing that she needed to do right now was revert to feeling like that scarred and scared 18 year old girl. Emma had felt trapped in her past for so long. And she didn't know how to move forward. Henry had told her that time stood still in Storybrooke until she had arrived. So she could move time forward for everyone else, but not herself, she mused.

"Tick Tock", she heard in her head and tried to fight her own amusement. Hook was rubbing off on her. She looked ahead expecting to see his leather clad silhouette ahead, but to her dismay he was out of sight.

To say that his confession in Echo Cave had frightened her was an understatement. This journey was about saving her son. But somehow along the way, Hook had slowly began to take her by surprise, starting back in Storybrooke when he returned with the bean. After offering his ship and his services, he had been fighting alongside them the entire time. Perhaps what had frightened about his secret was that his bravado and façade were gone. He made no attempts at self-preservation. For close to 300 years he had held on to the ghost of Milah. Emma knew what it felt like to hold on to Ghosts. She herself had been in love with a ghost. "Until I met you.", and for a moment she forgot about why they were even in that cave. Forgot that her parents and Neal were there. It wasn't just a kiss to him, he wanted more. More than he had in 300 years and that scared her.

She barely had time to register it all before Snow had cut his confession off with her own. Now that Emma had time to process the whole set of events she found herself thinking more and more about his confession. That kiss had been in the back of her mind all day and like a slow burning fire, was still spreading Emma could not recall every being kissed like that. In that moment she was not a lost girl, not an orphan, not the savior. She was just Emma to him. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. She felt guilty for even thinking about it. Henry needed her. And now Neal was here and she just couldn't deal with it.

Emma was so lost in her thoughts about Echo cave, but she noticed that David had fallen in to step with her. Figuring out how to get her father off this island was going to be another obstacle. Pan 3, Operation Henry 1. Wait, did she just refer to David as her father, she thought. Operation Henry 2, Pan 3.


End file.
